BoobNews: "No Mo' Chemo" edition

Posted: 2/29/2016

TL;DR version: Chemo's over. Double mastectomy is next.

Today would have been my 9th dose of Taxol (of 12) but that silly neuropathy is kicking up again. My toes on both feet have been numb for several weeks and I've had increasing numbness in my left hand for about 2 weeks too, but it hasn't bothered me much. Until just this morning, that is. 

Now, I have new neuropathy. When I elevate my left hand for very long, like to drive or while eating a sandwich, it gets rather uncomfortable all the way up to my bicep. I reported this to my nurse practitioner this morning like a good girl, and I got grounded from chemo for it. Rude!

Their concern is, apparently, the risk of any neuropathy becoming permanent increases as we get further into chemo. Since it's getting uncomfortable and starting to affect use of my left hand/arm (and she's concerned the numbness in my feet could cause balance and safety issues down the road as well), we're stopping chemo now. And after 4 months of chemo, I didn't even get to ring the "last dose bell" while being covered in confetti - a little custom they have at the office - but I've been promised I can come and get glittered at my next office visit to make up for that.

So honestly, I'm a little conflicted about where we are. On one hand, it's not like chemo is FUN and I'm dying to do more of it. But I'm also not interested in dying to do less of it, either. When I asked about how outcomes are affected by stopping the chemo early, she said it doesn't seem to negatively affect outcomes but they don't have any data to back that up right now. They're looking at doing a retrospective study to get some numbers, but haven't yet. So...encouraging? I guess?

It's a bit scary because I've had the mindset that I'm going to do all of this, get rid of it, and be done with it, but then a few days ago I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a post by Humans of New York (https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork). The guy being interviewed talked about how his wife beat breast cancer in 1999 but has had it come back and it's now in her bones. The thought that that could be me someday makes me want to do as many doses as possible. It'd be nice if I had my own "Choose Your Own Adventure" book. Then I could just cheat and see how each option plays out. What if I just do the 8 doses? 12 doses? Does the neuropathy improve? Does my ending change? Do I get hit by a bus tomorrow? Who knows? So here we are: I guess I just "pays me money and takes me chances."

So now it's time to schedule the surgeons. Mastectomy and first part of reconstruction, here I come.